Task of Shepherding part 2

Last night I received one of those calls from the hospital which defined the difference between the ability to, and the desire to. The nursing supervisor stated there had been a death of a sixteen year from natural causes, and the family was at the E.R. Can you come? Yes I have the ability.

There are few scenarios more tragic for parents, situations which suck every ounce of human strength from one, than losing a child. Last night the mom and dad, as well as the siblings, were beyond consolation. So you sit with them, hold them, and simply be present as they caress the body of their child. Sometimes folks will ask, 'what words do I say to help them.' It is at these moments when you admit that this is so terrible that there are not words.

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" These words flow off of our tongues with relative ease when we say them on Palm Sunday, and on Good Friday. They come from the place of the dark valley when we realize that all we have left in our lives is ourselves. More so we understand how delicate and fragile life really is. The Psalms which explode with angry at the manner in which our lives can be claimed by sickness, disease, violence, and indignity, become very real here.

Lately at moments like this I consider the sacramental aspect of our lives. In a very large way aren't we also an outward sign, given by Christ, that we might be an experience of grace. For this mom and dad, in this very short time, this son of theirs had been a joy, delightful to be with, a source of amazement as they watched him grow and development into this wonderful young man.

As they were stroking his hands I was thinking that they had done this so many times before when he was an infant, holding his hand to cross a street, and showing him how to hold a baseball properly. It is perhaps the power of those moments that enables us to grow in our own lives and develop an even greater love for the god who made us. It was so very evident last night that this was a group of people who lived in love with and for each other. Whenever we open ourselves to the power of love we open ourselves to vulnerability that comes with it.

In very familiar ways I talked with the family about giftedness and finding solace in each others presence. I had used Saint Paul's analogy of the body, reflecting that this young man will always have an affect on their family and everything they ever do. As a pastor, a shepherd, just to walk the family through the cross not by cliches but by their experience. After about an hour we prayed and I tried to summarize all that was said, and not said for that matter.

I always pray that the spirit work through me in these moments and that I stay out of the way. And I always wonder if I could have done more. My prayers this week will be with this family and that for the weeks ahead they will find healing and eventually some peace.